International Tinfoil Hat Day 2017

When you are a serious IT company, life is freaking hard, especially on April 1. You are expected to follow the tradition — take some lame idea, cover it as real news, and publish it with a straight face. It’s stupid and unnatural.

That’s why a year ago we did quite the opposite: We took a dead-serious issue and disguised it as a goofy April Fool’s post. We drew public attention to the necessity of brain shielding. And it worked!

Thanks to the newly instituted holiday, Tinfoil Hat Day, people all over the world learned about the invisible foes all around us, and began shielding themselves from mind-control with help of protective hats. We were the first to answer the call and wrapped our logo in foil. Here’s how it looked before:

Here’s the protected version:

Since that fateful day, no one has managed to read the mind of, or command, anything wrapped in tinfoil.

Meanwhile, our comrades carried out a similar important project in the Antarctic Circle related to the very same problem. Having disguised their academic expedition as the Antarctic Biennale cultural event, and while distracting potential foes with art installations and performances, our fellow researchers tinfoiled some 20 square meters of the territory. In this picture, you can see how the native population welcomed the relief from their constant battle against mind-control.

The data obtained from this experiment will help us protect up to 70% of Earth’s surface by the end of millennium. In the foreseeable future, the entire solar system will be protected by a thin, shiny layer of foil, like so many frozen leftovers.

Here are some useful facts for anyone who cares about the security of their brain:

• In hot weather, a tinfoil hat may be both the reason for and the consequence of overheating.
• Dried fruit doesn’t walk. If dried fruit approaches you, see 1 for explanation.
• A tinfoil hat is not sufficient to protect one from the destructive commanding force of a TV screen; we recommend wrapping the television as well.
• Ancient Greeks continuously used the principles of protection from detrimental emissions: Perseus successfully protected himself from the Gorgon using Athena’s copper shield. King Midas had the foil touch (widely misreported as the golden touch), but even putting tinfoil on everything did not save the Minoan civilization.
• A foil tent could save your life as well as your mind.